I’m sure you’ve been there at some point, feeling completely lost, in your personal or professional life. In the midst of deep dark emotions of regret and turmoil. Like you’re failing at life.
For years I was in this place, failing at life, I didn’t know where I was going or what I could possibly do to get there. I was severely depressed, unemployed, broke and alone.
One day, as I rode the elevator down on my way outside for a smoke break, I remember telling myself, “Don’t fuck this up, you have a good thing going here.” I was talking about my job. Somehow I knew I’d manage to do something to screw up the life I was living at the time. I wasn’t necessarily happy but I had a job at a financial services company working as an assistant to the managers and I thought I was doing what was appropriate or acceptable in the eyes of the world. It looked like I had my shit together.
What people couldn’t see though was that I was severely depressed, lonely, barely making enough money to eat and pay rent and I felt utterly hopeless.
Then before I could even say shit, it happened, I screwed it up. I was no longer employed. What the hell was I going to do?
After a few different moves, I ended up living in a shitty basement apartment paying $400 rent and was being harassed and assaulted by the landlord who lived upstairs on a daily basis. He would grab my private parts as I walked by, stand behind me while smacking his junk back and forth in his boxer shorts making the grossest slapping sound I could ever hear, and sometimes he’d put me in choke holds and use pressure points to illustrate his manliness.
I was eating fried egg sand-wiches, sometimes
I not only felt lost, but I was lost. I didn’t even know myself anymore. I felt like I had no identity like I was the most unimportant person in the world with no real friendships or anywhere to turn.
We all have failures. We are not stuck.
What did I do to get unstuck?
Made changes. I moved back to my home town and surrounded myself with people that I knew cared about me and made me smile just by being near and as a
This move continues to be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Because my close relationships mean the world to me. Being near my people, not having to wear a mask of any kind, being myself and feeling comfortable has a priceless affect on my emotional health.
Figuring out who I was, feeling like myself again didn’t happen overnight. It’s not like there weren’t still struggles in my life but this time I had what I needed; love and support.
I regained friendships, made some new ones and started living for me. The most important thing to me was to be around the people that I loved.
Live YOUR life, not what you think you should be doing.
We get one life to live, why is it that we spend so much time doing things because we feel some sort of obligation or that we need to do certain things for acceptance? Because we feel pressure. Like we have to. But guess what? We don’t.
One life, people. ONE.
What’s important to you? What could make your life more enjoyable or easier? These things are your personal values and knowing what they are can help guide you to a more fulfilling life. Don’t waste any more time. xo
